Taye Diggs & Moon Bloodgood: If only every day could stay this way.
Premiering: Wednesday night, Nov. 15 (8 central, 9 eastern), ABC
Starring: Taye Diggs, Moon Bloodgood, Victoria Platt, Meta Golding, Adam Baldwin, Ramon Rodriguez
Created by: Paul Zbyszewski

By ED BARK
Groundhog Day meets The Fugitive meets 24 meets The Twilight Zone. And that's the shorthand description of ABC's Day Break, scheduled to replace Lost for the next 13 weeks unless too many viewers find themselves way too puzzled to participate.

Taye Diggs stars as detective Brett Hopper, fated to repeatedly wake up at 6:18 a.m. in bed with sumptuous girlfriend Rita Shelten (Moon Bloodgood). It's the only good part of a day in which he's mysteriously charged with murdering a Los Angeles assistant district attorney. He'd better run for his life if he can, which he does. But Hopper can't escape his daily grind -- a rewind. He's beaten, shot, betrayed and traumatized, all before he's even had a chance to have his coffee. And then he's back in the sack again, wondering what course of action to take this time around.

"I'm just trying to get control of this day," the poor guy laments.

ABC is kicking off Day Break with a furiously paced two-hour pilot replete with gun battles, chases and bloodletting. All the while, Hopper's had a cautionary warning pounded into his psyche by a thug in a nylon stocking mask. "Just remember, for every decision, there's a consequence," he's told. "Decision. Consequence. Decision. Consequence."

The upside is that all of this supposedly will be resolved within 13 episodes. That's a welcome departure from fall's onslaught of stringalong serial dramas, some of which already have been canceled. Day Break, unlike Lost, is promising a payoff in relatively short order. Still, 13 episodes can be a long pull. And if you aren't there at the starting line, you almost certainly won't be around for the finish. Weekly "Previously on Day Break" summations just aren't going to cut it on a show where whatever happens one day informs what happens on the next. It might be easier to explain Finnegans Wake to Pauly Shore.

Hopper is the only one who knows what's happened all along. Pity his poor girlfriend, Rita, who has no clue and must keep being told to trust him. He has a very good reason to be ultra-concerned with her safety. You'll know what that reason is about one-third of the way through Wednesday's opener.

Diggs is solid and empathetic in the lead role. You want him to get to the bottom of all this. Still, it's going to be tough duty to stick with him. Many viewers might opt to say, "Good luck, man, but this is just too much for me." If that's the case, Lost's scheduled February return with an uninterrupted run of 16 episodes might be too long a wait for ABC.

Prospects: Day Break likely will open the door to even further audience gains by CBS' competing Criminal Minds. Still, it should at least be able to finish second opposite NBC's The Biggest Loser. If not, the hook will be quick, with Day Break instead whiling away its days on ABC.com.

Grade: B

Stanley Tucci and Mark Feuerstein in 3 Lbs.

Premiering: Tuesday night, Nov. 14 (9 central, 10 eastern), CBS
Starring: Stanley Tucci, Mark Feuerstein, Indira Varma, Armando Riesco
Produced by: Peter Ocko, Scott Kaufer, Davis Guggenheim

By ED BARK
Creators of broadly drawn, critically panned TV shows often defend their work with this overworked fallback position: "Hey, it's not brain surgery."

CBS' 3 Lbs. can't use that one. It's the first prime-time series to detail the ins and ins of brain surgery. Technically speaking at least, it's not mindless entertainment.

Tuesday's premiere, in place of the canceled Smith and crime reruns, plays with viewers' heads a bit via dreamscapes and recurring visions of a little girl by top doc Doug Hanson (Stanley Tucci). It's labored and slow-on-the-draw at first. By episode's end, though, you just might be willing to be a weekly outpatient.

Tucci's character is brusque, enigmatic, egocentric and easily compared to Fox's Dr. Gregory House. On the other hand he's bald and without a cane, so let's be fair.

The other principal doc is young, incoming Jonathan Seger (Mark Feuerstein), who of course is an idealistic people person. He greatly admires Dr. Hanson's skills with a scalpel but won't abide his taciturn approaches to patients. Unfortunately, Seger verbalizes his frustrations with a burst of dialogue that might make your head hurt.

If he can't get close to his patients, "then I should go take polyps off colons," Seger blurts. "Because I can't screw around in somebody's head and not know whose soul I'm bumping up against."

There's also barefootin' Dr. Adriannne Holland (Indira Varma), whose feet usually aren't bumping up against any soles. Says she: "Fear is the mind's magic trick. And you can choose to believe it or not."

Choke down these bromides if you can. 3 Lbs. doesn't make a full recovery, but it gets more engaging down the stretch. The featured patient is a young cello player named Cassie (Madeline Zima), who collapses at a concert and is diagnosed with a brain tumor. Dr. Hanson and his arch-nemesis, Dr. Jeffrey Coles (Griffin Dunne), then clash over how it should be excised while Cassie's mother fumes and frets.

A secondary case, involving an older man who gets lost all the time, pretty much goes nowhere in the first episode. But Drs. Seger and Holland look as though they're going to get to first base and beyond in future episodes.

Tucci's the main reason to watch, though. His best scene is with a young woman who went blind after he operated on her. She visits the hospital and feels her way around Dr. Hanson's hands and face. It's a touching scene on two levels.

Otherwise Dr. Hanson is fond of coldly saying that the brain is merely "wires in a box." CBS' patron saint of news, Edward R. Murrow, once made the same observation about the new medium of television. To become more than that, it had to fulfill its great promise, he said.

3 Lbs. has some promise, too. It seems worth keeping an eye on.

Prospects: Lots more engaging than Smith, it nonetheless has a tough fight opposite NBC's dominant Law & Order: SVU and ABC's still potent Boston Legal. But it's compatible with its CBS lead-in The Unit. And by next week, ABC won't have Dancing with the Stars as Tuesday's unbeatable lead-off hitter.

Grade: B-minus

Shat-ified man: Big Bill cashes in again on Show Me the Money

Premiering: Tuesday night, Nov. 14 (8:30 central, 9:30 eastern), ABC
Hosted by: William Shatner
Produced by: David Goldberg

By ED BARK
This must be the equivalent of what befell Rome just before it fell.

The provocatively garbed dancing girls, their-render-unto-Caesar, red-vested master, untold riches within tempting reach and a crazed audience rising as one when the command rings out, "Ladies, let's salsa!"

Oh but we kid William Shatner and Show Me the Money. It's a new, beyond gaudy game show cleverly placed behind Tuesday's 90-minute Dancing with the Stars performance finale. Surely ABC jests with this one, although Shatner can never be discounted on these particular fronts. At age 75 he's everything that Burt Reynolds could have been -- TV's toupeed king of kitsch in times when retro-cool is hotter than a Fire Island luau.

ABC mercifully didn't send the entire 90-minute premiere to TV critics. But we get a pretty big gulp, with the show's 13 boppers first seen gyrating in silhouette before an announcer barks, "Let's give it up for the one, the only, William Shatner!"

They used to introduce Groucho Marx that way on You Bet Your Life, but who the hell remembers that? Shatner arrives in red, black and Jiffy Pop paunch, still looking pretty good for a guy who's actually five months and three days older than Regis Philbin. Reege earlier took a walk on NBC's wildside as host of America's Got Talent. But Shat happens to be a bit bolder and crazier. He commands the dancers to dance, and they do, of course. Dancing with the Starship Enterprise captain -- what a concept.

The show's first guest is a giddy guy named Matt. He's an Oklahoman carrying a merse ("my man purse") with lip balm and a Shania Twain ticket within. It doesn't take the host long to catch on.

"I don't know whether this will interest you or not," he tells Matt. "But there are 13 beautiful ladies out there."

Each carries a scroll rather than a briefcase. Unfurl one and it reveals a money amount ranging from $20,000 to $250,000. But one of the ladies has a "Killer Card" that will wipe out whatever a contestant has won via answering a succession of trivia questions. On a scale of one to 10 brain cells, this one ranks a rather heady 5. It's considerably more cerebral than NBC's new 1 vs 100. And it's positively Ensteinian when compared to NBC's Deal Or No Deal.

Let's just say that Matt climbs very high in the money tree before he starts to falter. Shatner is a bit disappointed when he puzzles over the question, "What foreign country was the first to grant marriage status to same-sex couples?"

"If you don't know this, there is no heaven," the host ripostes.

Individual games can go on for quite a while, so you need engaging contestants to supplement Shatner's recurring urges to shake his 75-year-old moneymaker. After all, that could get old in a hurry. On the other hand, Shatner still hasn't done the monkey, the frug, the watusi, the twist, the shimmy shake, etc. In a land of 1,000 dances, his possibilities are endless as long as his back holds out. If not, Jerry Springer's in the wings.

Prospects: The show moves to Wednesdays at 7 central after Tuesday's elongated sneak-preview. That's one of prime-time's least competitive hours, giving Shatner a better than even chance of dancing many more nights away.

Grade: C+

A saggier Bob Saget isn't hitchhiking. He's hosting.
Premiering: Friday night (Oct. 13), 8 central, 9 eastern, NBC
Hosted by: Bob Saget
Produced by: Scott St. John

By ED BARK

From the producers of Deal or No Deal, here's another NBC big-money game show that really should be titled Dumb or Super-Dumb. How else to gauge the candle power required to answer the show's opening question: "The 2003 movie Seabiscuit featured what kind of animal?"

Your three choices are: One with fins or one with paws or one with hooves. So it behooves one to ask, "Is this the easiest money to be made anywhere on the planet?" Yes, it is, at least in the present. On TV's vintage You Bet Your Life, Groucho Marx used to ask questions like "What color is the yellow of an egg?" But that was just at the very end, and only of contestants who hadn't won a dime yet. Groucho liked to at least see his foils walk away with cab fare.

OK, so the real name of the newcomer is 1 vs 100, hosted by Bob Saget from Full House and America's Funniest Home Videos. Bob had been soiling his clean-cut rep for a while in the dirty joke movie The Aristocrats and as a dope-smoking prostitute monger on HBO's Entourage. But now he's got his Good Housekeeping Seal of Approval mojo working again after seeing what Deal or No Deal did for the likes of Howie Mandel. Next thing you know we'll see Andrew Dice Clay hosting Chutes and Ladders.

1 vs. 100 pits a lone contestant against "The Mob," which starts out 100 strong. The Mob's don on opening night is all-time Jeopardy! champ Ken Jennings, who didn't miss that opening Seabiscuit question if you must know.

"You're a very smart man, and you intimidate me tremendously," Saget quips, even though he must know that Jennings could answer these types of elementary questions from the grave. Actually, a rutabaga might get pretty far in this game, or so you'd think. But eight members of "The Mob" actually punch in the wrong answer to the question, "What Hawaiian appetizer is often found on Asian cuisine menus?"

Their choices were pu-pu platter, ka-ka combo or du-du delight. No, seriously.

The first contestant, a bar bouncer named Brian, manages to eliminate more than half of The Mob. This causes his prize money to escalate, with Brian asked each time whether he wants to take his cash and run or bet that he'll know something that some members of The Mob won't.

Unlike Deal or No Deal, you need more than dumb luck to win big. But like Deal or No Deal, you can be dumb as a fence post and still know what comedian walked away from a $150 million deal with Comedy Central.

One of the three possible answers is not Bob Saget. No way he'd be that dumb. In an odd sort of way, that's why the poor guy's hosting this.

Prospects: It actually might have a shot on an overall weak night, particularly after moving to its regular 7 p.m. slot next Friday.

Grade: C-minus

Sit down for a minute. Mr. T wants to talk to you, sucka.
Premiering: Wednesday night (Oct. 11), 9 central, 10 eastern, TV Land
Starring: Mr. T (real name: Lawrence Tureaud)
Concocted by: Stephen Belafonte, Ken Druckerman, Banks Tarver

By ED BARK
This is all a sham, of course. Mr. T isn't really a "life coach." He is an enduring, arguably endearing commodity, though. So let's cool the jewelry, dress him up like Santa Claus --- in this case, in a suit --- and send him out to jack up a few schlumps.

"There's no shortage of fools that need my help," he crows with a certain amount of modesty. That said, he hits the road in TV Land's I Pity the Fool, likely to be the hottest show in the network's still relatively brief history.

Mr. T first heads to a car dealership in New York City, where the ostensible bossman, Scott Perlstein, is being beaten down by his auto-cratic father-in-law, Tom Nemet. The star of the show, wearing a red jump suit at first, gets in everybody's grill and demands they sell 20 cars in the next 48 hours. Then he switches to a "fancy car salesman suit" and seems to have little idea what he's doing. No matter. Mr. T next rails at a shyster salesman named Vince while two customers take it all in. Sure enough, this all works to a T.

I Pity the Fool is only a half-hour show, but that's a lot of time to fill these days. In a historic television first, Mr. T kills a minute or so by upbraiding anyone arriving late to his party.

"If you just tuned in, what's wrong with you, fool?" he growls. "Show me some respect and watch my show from the beginning!" Tardy viewers are then brought up to speed with a brief recap.

Mr. T otherwise is all about the love. His last task is to bring Scott and Tom together. And whaddya know, the old man melts and dishes out some praise while the kid wells up. It's then benediction time:

"If you want to polish your relationship and make it glisten, all you really have to do is learn to listen," says Mr. T.

Solid production values and Mr. T's inimitable style make I Pity the Fool a surprisingly watchable lark, a Dr. Phil for dummies if you will. Mr. T is more likeable and in much better shape, though. So if you're inclined to buy into any of this malarkey, maybe Mr. T should be your man.

"Like I always say," he says, "you can't spell success without T."

Grade: B-minus

Live from New York, it's The Girlie Show.
Premiering: Wednesday night (Oct. 11), 7 central, 8 eastern, NBC
Starring: Tina Fey, Alec Baldwin, Jane Krakowski, Tracy Jordan, Jack McBrayer, Rachel Dratch
Produced by: Lorne Michaels, Tina Fey

By ED BARK
An ill wind's already blowing over 30 Rock. No, it's not taking the same approach as NBC's Studio 60 on the Sunset Strip. But yes, an escalating audience rejection of the latter may be poisoning the pond for the Peacock network's second backstage pass.

This time the sausage is being made at NBC's fictional "The Girlie Show," a comedy/variety outing penned by head writer Liz Lemon (Saturday Night Live alum Tina Fey). Her job is greatly complicated by the arrival of smug Jack Donaghy (Alec Baldwin), "the new vice president of East Coast Television and Microwave Oven Programming." She'd better not expect any Lemon aid.

"I like you," Jack tells her. "You have the boldness of a much younger woman."

Baldwin, seemingly intent on becoming the next William Shatner, is nicely equipped to play a brusque, vainglorious network executive. His scenes give 30 Rock much of its crackle, which is a big plus when there's no laugh track to fall back on.

Donaghy's first bright idea is to hire trouble-prone Tracy Jordan (SNL alum Tracy Morgan), who's meant to remind viewers of Martin Lawrence. Lemon's assigned to reel him in, but this doesn't go well at first. They end up at the Dark Sensations strip club in the Bronx before finally arriving at NBC Studios in various states of disrepair. Jordan's tagline -- "This honky grandma be trippin'"! --- goes down well with the audience, though.

Wednesday's premiere episode otherwise has been reworked to add former Ally McBeal-ite Jane Krakowski as vacuous "Girlie Show" star Jennna Maroney. She supplants SNL alum Rachel Dratch, who's been reduced to recurring roles as different bit characters. For openers, she's the show's loopy "Cat Wrangler." Wince.

Inside jokes abound, with Krakowski's Maroney instantly licking her lips over Baldwin's Donaghy. "Yummers," she says, "he reminds me of Scotty on General Hospital." Actually, Baldwin once played Billy Allison Aldrich on daytime's The Doctors. Close enough, though.

A second episode sent for preview is built around Donaghy's efforts to put Jordan's name in the show's title after focus groups plied with pizza tell him it's a great idea. Lemon in turn gets pelted with various foodstuffs by an angry staff while Maroney feels threatened.

"He bit (omnipresent child star) Dakota Fanning on the face," she says of the volatile Jordan.

"When you hear his version, she was kinda asking for it," Lemon retorts.

There may not be quite enough here for mass consumption on a weekly basis. Fey is fine as 30 Rock's latter day Mary Richards, with Baldwin a hoot as a more distant descendant of Lou Grant. But unlike The Mary Tyler Moore Show, this so far is an insular, work-based comedy in the same way that Studio 60 is a work-based drama.

Whatever TV critics think of the shows, all workplace and little play outside a TV studio might not be NBC's strongest suit this season.

Prospects: Doesn't really look like a long-distance runnner, but may sprint out of the gate.

Grade: B+

John Lithgow and Jeffrey Tambor are channeling their inner kids.

Premiering: Wednesday night (Oct. 11), 7:30 central, 8:30 eastern, NBC
Starring: John Lithgow, Jeffrey Tambor, Heather Burns, Jake Sandvig
Produced by: Tom Werner, Marsh McCall, Jimmy Miller, Eric Gold

By ED BARK
Turning 60 -- let alone 50 -- is pretty much a death sentence on prime-time TV. That is, unless you're willing to regress to an age somewhere between 18 and 49. That's where the revenues meet the road with most advertisers.

NBC's ribald, retro-fitted Twenty Good Years attempts to turn warhorses John Lithgow and Jeffrey Tambor into a pair of Jack Blacks. Or Adam Sandlers. Or Will Ferrells. Or whatever younger size fits. Just don't think of them as set-in-their-ways, cardigan-carrying Bob Newharts, who probably wouldn't be caught dead in this.

Lithgow very loudly plays pompous, thrice-divorced surgeon Jack Mason. Forced into semi-retirement on his 60th birthday, he browbeats sedentary pal Jeffrey Pyne (Tambor) into joining him on a hellbent pursuit of rediscovered youth.

"Starting tonight, we live life to the BRIM!" he roars. Pyne, a pining widower judge who's been dating the same woman for three years, is initially opposed, of course. So Mason ratchets things up: "Are we tigers or are we tit mice?!" he bellows.

Well, if you're gonna put it that way.

Wednesday's premiere later sends the studio audience into a frenzy when Lithgow's character strips down to a Speedo. He sure is trying hard to make a go of this.

Twenty Good Years also is populated with Mason's pregnant daughter, Stella (Heather Burns), and Pine's magazine modeling son, Hugh (Jake Sandvig). Not that they matter much. This comedy is in the hands of its two ripened pros, with NBC hoping that some 18-to-49-year-olds might watch just to goof on them. Which frankly is kinda sad.

Prospects: The time period has just one behemoth, ABC's Dancing with the Stars. But pairing Twenty Good Years with NBC's preceding 30 Rock makes for a very odd couple on what lately has been the Peacock network's weakest night of the week.

Grade: C

It's The Nine, but ABC pictures 10. Can you spot the bank robber?
Premiering: Wednesday night (Oct. 4), 9 central, 10 eastern, ABC
Starring: Tim Daly, Kim Raver, Chi McBride, Scott Wolf, Lourdes Benedicto, John Billingsley, Jessica Collins, Dana Davis, Camille Guaty, Owain Yeoman
Produced by: Hank Steinberg, K.J. Steinberg, Alex Graves

By ED BARK
ABC's The Nine is teeming with familiar TV faces playing scarred hostages in a gone-bad bank robbery that's supposed to keep drawing interest.

Look, there's Tim Daly from Wings and an array of subsequent shortlived series. This time he's a cop with a gambling problem.

Chi McBride (Boston Public), is back in the game, too, as a sturdy but now shaken bank manager.

Scott Wolf from Party of Five doesn't look a day older since those days. He still seems too young to be playing a "hotshot surgeon."

And Kim Raver is fresh from smooching agent Jack Bauer in the closing minutes of last season's 24. Now she's already dumped him to play a hard-driving assistant DA.

Their characters and six others are thrown together when crooks hit Los Angeles's Fidelity National Bank. What happened to them during a 52-hour ordeal will be doled out piecemeal from week to week. That's the "mythology." Otherwise the series will follow their newly interwined lives together, with some handling the aftermath much better than others. They've also been traumatized by the death of one of the hostages from gunshot wounds. In this case, you'll know who that is about halfway through Wednesday's premiere.

The brother-and-sister writing team of Hank and K. J. Steinberg has done a deft job of setting the stage and planting seeds. They've also managed to sell ABC censors on a rather daring slice of double entendre dialogue. It's put into play after the high-strung mother of attorney Kathryn Hale (Raver) is convinced that someone has stolen her valued cameo pin from a bank deposit box.

"I am telling you, somebody has been inside my box," she rails at bank manager Malcolm Jones (McBride).

But he assures her that "no one has been inside your box," prompting a stifled giggle from the daughter.

There's otherwise little levity. What happened inside the bank reverberates through the first episode. Some, such as formerly suicidal sad sack Egan Foote (John Billingsley), behaved heroically at crunch time. But how will he handle his fleeting fame?

Others apparently were less gallant. Dr. Jeremy Kates (Wolf) is getting a sudden cold shoulder from girlfriend Lizzie Miller (Jessica Collins), who's also hiding an important development from him.

"It was a moment. Does it have to mean everything?" he pleads.

Detective Nick Cavanaugh (Daly) also has post-hostage issues. First he slugs a negotiator whom he blames for bungling things. Then he gets a promotion in return for keeping his mouth shut.

Word of mouth will have to keep selling The Nine, although it likely will get a big opening night tune-in following Lost's much-anticipated third season premiere. ABC's Invasion initially reaped the same benefit last fall before many early viewers found it too obtuse.

Less surreal and better-grounded, The Nine looks like a better bet for longevity. Still, what will the show do for an encore once the bank robbery puzzle is put together? You presumably can't immerse these same people in another crisis situation at the outset of Season 2. And ABC already has a bunch of people stranded on a mysterious island, so there goes that option.

For now, the writers will have to walk a precarious tightrope between telling too much -- or too little. That's what ABC is banking on.

Prospects: NBC's competing Kidnapped already is all but dead, giving The Nine a prime chance to place a solid second to CBS' still formidable CSI: NY.

Grade: B+

All of the X's and O's live in Texas when Friday Night Lights kicks off.
Premiering: Tuesday night (Oct. 3), 7 central, 8 eastern, NBC
Starring: Kyle Chandler, Scott Porter, Gaius Charles, Connie Britton, Minka Kelly, Zach Gilford, Taylor Kitsch
Produced by: Peter Berg, Jason Katims, Brian Grazer

By ED BARK
Its toughest opponent may be the time slot. NBC's Friday Night Lights otherwise is a near-perfectly executed play about a talented high school football team and the West Texas town that worships at its cleats.

The Dillon Panthers and their heavily recruited star quarterback take on the formidable Westerby Chaps in Tuesday night's passionate, pulsating opening episode. The producers can control that outcome, but they might not be able to handle a blitz from rival networks' competing series. House on Fox; Dancing with the Stars on ABC; NCIS on CBS; Gilmore Girls on the CW. That's a fierce rush for any rookie to withstand.

Add this: a sports-themed drama series hasn't succeeded on broadcast TV since The White Shadow held court from 1978-81 on CBS. That includes NBC's little-seen Against the Grain, a 1993 Texas high football series that starred then unknown Ben Affleck as hotshot quarterback Joe Willie Clemons.

It'd be a big shame, though, if this Austin-made series gets sacked for no gain by the all-powerful Nielsen ratings. Loosely adapted from the controversial H. G. Bissinger bestseller, FNL paints a boldly textured picture of a hard-pressed new coach in a town without pity for losing football programs.

Kyle Chandler (left in the above NBC photo) is perfectly modulated as Coach Eric Taylor. Hard, fair and short-spoken, he's banking his hopes on senior star quarterback Jason Street (Scott Porter), pictured to the north of these words with his cheerleader girlfriend, Lyla Garrity (Minka Kelly).

Street's a modest straight-shooter with a gun for an arm and a softer touch for the kids who worship him.

"Mr. Street, do you think God loves football?" a half-pint Pee Wee Leaguer asks him.

"I think that everybody loves football," he says, prompting the kid to agree, "Me, too."

Although corny on paper, the scene manages to evoke the timelessly classic Mean Joe Greene Coke commercial. In fact, everything about Friday Night Lights resonates on some level. Authentic small-town sights and sounds are important core characters. They give Tuesday's curtain-raiser a sense of time, place and majesty that's rare for the small-screen. You can feel the vibe from the very first audio drop. "Good morning, West Texas," drawls a morning radio host before getting right to the football basics.

"He's no Mack Brown, I'll tell ya right now," a woman caller says of the as yet unproven new coach.

Mack Brown himself has a cameo, playing a rabid booster who doesn't mind giving Coach Taylor an earful during a pep rally tied to the grand opening of a car dealership.

Brown looks through his own funhouse mirror, though, before getting to the raw meat of a new season. Obviously referring to last season's Vince Young-led Texas Longhorns, he tells Taylor, "Some people think that you've got to have a great quarterback to win a championship. That's obviously not true."

Actually it is, as Brown well knows. Then it's time for him to dish out some of the same kind of guff he took for years until Young took Texas to the promised land. Damned if he's not convincing in this little riff: "I mean, you got that kind of deer in the headlights look...I'm a little worried about you steppin' up to the plate here...We don't want you to go out there and be soft and scared. We want you to be aggressive. Are you going to be able to answer the bell and bring championships back to this town? We want to win championships."

The new coach's other studs include cocksure running back Brian "Smash" Williams (Gaius Charles) and his carousing, ill-tempered backfield mate, Tim Riggins (Taylor Kitsch). There's also quiet, third string quarterback Matt Saracen (Zach Gilford), who's going to figure prominently in future games.

On-field action, to be downplayed in later episodes, is front and center Tuesday night. Director Peter Berg and his crew have expertly staged the big season opener, which never looks fake for a second. That's a huge plus when you're asked to buy into the central premise that Texas high school football is both larger than life and a way of life.

Now we'll see whether the rest of the country, or even Texans, will be willing to git along with this program. For its part, Friday Night Lights gets off to a rousing start. Everything about it is vividly drawn, with Chandler excelling as an up-against-it coach whose locker room rallying cry is "Clear eyes. Full hearts. Can't lose."

Let's win one for this Gipper.

Prospects: You already know the score.

Grade: A

Big Whoop: The Oscar-winner guests on Chris

By ED BARK
Led by the second season premiere of Everybody Hates Chris, here's network TV's last homefront for "urban" comedies with predominantly black casts.

The new CW, risen from the defunct WB and UPN networks, has colored in Sundays rather than Mondays and Wednesdays, as UPN did. Chris bats leadoff for his new team, followed by fellow UPN carryovers All of Us and Girlfriends, plus newcomer The Game. Overall visibility? It's down several notches, with pro football runovers likely to hurt Chris most of all this fall.

Returning Oct. 1 at 6 central, 7 eastern, Chris is still narrated by Chris Rock, with a growth-spurting Tyler James Williams again playing him as an embattled kid in 1984 Brooklyn. The new season's first two episodes feature guest star Whoopi Goldberg as new next door neighbor Louise Clarkson. She's basically a busybody from Queens who insists on forming a crime watch committee.

Meanwhile, Chris falls for another newcomer, a girl named Yvette (Cherelle Noyd). Freshly scented with girl-luring cologne, he asks her to see Footloose with him. But you know how it is with Chris. His younger but more adult-looking brother, Drew (Tequan Richmond), keeps fighting off suitors while Chris gets short-shrifted. This time the poor kid is left cooling his heels in front of the Footloose marquee after getting all dressed up in a white suit and pink shirt.

"I'd go find that girl, take her by the hair and shake her like an Etch-a-Sketch," says an old-timer who owns the small grocery store where Chris works parttime. That line should have hit the cutting room floor.

This isn't one of the show's stronger episodes, with too much focus on Whoopi and not enough on Chris's parental units, terrifically played last season by Tichina Arnold and Terry Crews. Narrator Rock, who's also the show's co-executive producer, remains an enthusiastic participant. Best line: "I asked Yvette out after I got famous. She stood me up and went out with Chris Tucker."

Everybody Hates Chris remains one of prime-time's better comedies. But can it stand the test of time in a much tougher Sunday night slot? In this view, probably not. Hate it when that happens.

Grade: B

Michael C. Hall from Six Feet Under stars in a killer new series

Premiering: Sunday night (Oct. 1st), 9 central, 10 eastern, Showtime
Starring: Michael C. Hall, Julie Benz, Jennifer Carpenter, Erik King, Lauren Velez, David Zayas, James Remar
Created by: Sara Colleton, John Goldwyn

By ED BARK
And now for something completely different. Showtime cable's gruesomely good Dexter is a serial drama about a serial killer who kills serial killers. Surreal enough for you?

"I'm a very neat monster," says deeply scarred Dexter Morgan, who's played with an at times overly heavy narrative voice and heavier baggage by former Six Feet Under undertaker Michael C. Hall. This time he's deeply into the meticulous executions of even worse monsters. Dexter works for Miami's over-taxed police department, which is hard-pressed to solve more than a small percentage of heinous crimes. That's where Dexter comes in, even if his superiors aren't clued in. He'll bloody well take care of business without taking any prisoners. After all, the victims of Dexter's carefully executed slicings and dicings deserve to join his Dismembereds Only club. He's just cutting out the middlemen.

Hall seems born to this decidedly offbeat role. And Showtime has been reborn in the past few years with standout series such as The Brotherhood, Weeds and now Dexter. Dare it be said that Showtime is HBO's superior at the moment on the weekly drama front? Let it be said that's true, with one big asterisk. Very few people are watching, which is a shame. But what's the the Avis of premium networks to do except try harder and keep succeeding on the quality front?

Dexter begins with the title character on the prowl. He craves the Cuban food in Miami, but "I'm hungry for something different now."

Temporarily satiating him is a schoolboy choir teacher whom Dexter quickly abducts. The guy has been getting away with murdering kids, and now he's going to pay. Boy, is he ever. But the series does stop well short of the gore on parade in your basic big-screen slasher flik.

Killing has been in Dexter's blood since his boyhood. We see this via flashbacks with his foster dad, Harry (James Remar), a deceased former homicide detective who knows that something is very wrong with his adoptive son. Traumatized by a so far undisclosed childhood incident, young Dexter first admits to killing the problematic family dog. He just can't help himself. So dad tries to channel his urges, grooming him as a sort of Superboy from the dark side. If he's going to kill, then take it out on those that deserve it. Dexter has been refining his craft ever since.

The series' solid supporting cast is led by Dexter's foster sister, Debra, a cop yearning to be transfered out of vice and into homicide. The other major woman in his life is girlfriend Rita Bennett (Julie Benz), who herself has been psyched out by a brutal ex-husband. She's been uninterested in sex ever since, which "works for me," Dexter narrates. After all, "When it comes to the actual act of sex, it always seems so -- undignified."

He's instead turned on by serial killers whose expertise challenges him. And he's never been more mystified by a sadist who chops up his victims and somehow leaves them utterly bloodless for police to pick over.

"I've never seen such clean, dry and neat-looking dead flesh," Dexter thinks to himself audibly. "Wonderful."

His partners in crimesolving -- but if only they really knew -- are homicide detective Angel Batista (David Zayas), surly Sgt. Doakes (Erik King) and division boss Maria LaGuerta (Lauren Velez). The latter treats Dexter's sister like dirt, but seems infatuated with him. Better not push it, lady.

Tyrannosaurus Dex does have a sense of humor, though. He flashes it when Lt. Maria wonders why the killer at large would keep a severed head in the front seat of the refrigerated truck he's been using to freeze-dry victims.

"I don't know. So he could use the carpool lane?" Dexter deadpans.

The first season will keep him on the trail of this ultimate serial killer while others are apprehended and dead-ended, Dexter-style. Sharp writing and an overall off-kilter moral code in a way make the title character worth rooting for. At least he doesn't participate in the killing of an innocent museum guard, as the more off-putting protagonists in CBS' Smith did in that show's opening episode.


Dexter Morgan is an anti-hero to beat all anti-heroes, with Hall playing him to the hilt in the best lead acting of the new season. Don't try what he does at home or anywhere else, obviously. But do try Dexter at home, provided you're one of Showtime's still comparatively few paying customers. This series looks as though it will be worth the price of your submission. Showtime really is at the all-time peak of its powers, creatively at least. Would it kill a few more viewers to watch?

Grade: A-minus

Premiering: Thursday night, 7 central, 8 eastern, ABC
Starring: America Ferrera, Eric Mabius, Ana Ortiz, Becki Newton, Tony Plana, Ashley Jensen, Vanessa Williams, Michael Urie, Kevin Sussman
Produced by: Salma Hayek, Silvio Horta, Ben Silverman

By ED BARK
Tell a friend about this Americanized version of the hit telenovela Yo Soy Betty La Fea.

Unlike the new MyNetworkTV's Fashion House and Desire, ABC's Ugly Betty isn't lost in translation. Amusingly over the top, it filets the oft-haughty fashion world while making one cheer for the character caught in it all. She's Betty Suarez (America Ferrera), whose passion is fashion but who's hardly a fashionista. Bespectacled, pudgy and smiling through heavy-duty braces, she's initially a guppie in a tank of piranhas. Viewers in turn get a watchable feast, an hour-long comedy with a melt-in-your-mouth center. Sometimes the social messages are a bit too overt, particularly in a second episode sent for preview. All in all, though, Ugly Betty is pretty irresistible.

The title character is hired as personal assistant to new Mode magazine editor Daniel Meade (Eric Mabius). His mogul father, Bradford (Alan Dale), figures that Daniel's playboy ways will be curbed at least slightly by the close proximity of an eyesore. Betty also is seen as such by the magazine's assortment of scheming staffers and vacuous models. In the second episode, they even steal and torment the little stuffed bunny she's brought to decorate her desk. It seems that Mode's only down-to-earthers are the seamstresses, led by kindly Britisher Christina (Ashley Jensen).

Betty shows up for her first day of work in a loud, snicker-provoking "Guadalajara" poncho. Politically correct it's not. But lead executive producers Salma Hayek and Silvio Horta are willing to poke a little fun at the Hispanic culture, too. Hayek herself has a cameo as a saucy, sex-crazed maid in a telenovela that's a favorite of Betty's widower dad, Ignacio (Tony Plano). But she's replaced by another actress in Betty's second episode.

The series' principal dragon lady is Wilhelmina Slater (Vanessa Williams), who's incensed at being passed over for Mode's top job. Her toadying assistant, Marc (Dallas native Michael Urie, pictured above), is both pretty in pink and fun to watch. They need to give him more to do.

Thursday's premiere puts Betty through various humiliations in hopes of making her quit. She finally does just that after being ordered to participate in a fashion shoot for which she's woefully ill-suited. But this also is the break-point for callow Daniel, whose dormant conscience finally kicks in. They'll now be allies, although hardly equal partners, with Wilhelmina hatching one devious plot after another. She appears destined to be the Wile E. Coyote of the series, but at least an anvil hasn't fallen on her head yet.

Ferrera is terrifically appealing as Betty. Her brassy big sister, Hilda (Anna Ortiz), and supportive nephew Justin (Mark Indelicato) add extra spice to her utilitarian home life, where getting dad's meds at a reasonable cost is of prime real world importance.

For the first episode's big finish, look for guest star Gina Gershon camping it up as a cosmetics empress named Fabia. She has a delicious way of saying, "Just make sure it's not too sappy."

That's Ugly Betty's task as well. Will the show show settle into a nice groove without getting too preachy? And can the plots, counterplots and unsolved mysteries steer clear of complete absurdity?

If so, that'll be the lasting beauty of Ugly Betty.

Prospects: They're pretty good, with a likely big tune-in for the first episode. Over the course of the season, a solid second-place finish to Survivor is all ABC is counting on.

Grade: B-plus

Danson with a star (Jane Kaczmarek) on ABC's Help Me Help You
Premiering: Tuesday night, 8:30 central, 9:30 eastern, ABC

Starring: Ted Danson, Jane Kaczmarek, Charlie Finn, Suzy Nakamura, Jim Rash, Darlene Hunt, Jere Burns

Created by: Jennifer Konner, Alexandra Rushfield (Copyright, ABC photos)

By ED BARK

An old pro learns new tricks. Working without a net (laugh track) for the first time in his broadcast TV career, Ted Danson seems almost as liberated as a certain new Web site that's been crying uncle (barky.com) for just over a week now.

He's upped this ante by also shucking his toupees and hair dyes in the new, promising ABC comedy Help Me Help You. Danson learned from his recurring appearances on HBO's Curb Your Enthusiasm that it's more fun to go au naturel in his autumn years. The first episode's funniest scene has him swinging away at what proves to be an indestructible car. A single-camera show operating outside traditional studio confines gives Danson lots more room to get physical. So he's also free to end Tuesday's premiere by driving with carefree abandon while belting out "You Can Call Me Al." Danson in the streets. What a concept. But it says "Mid-life crisis" in the on-screen print.

Danson's character, unconventional psychotherapist Bill Hoffman, indeed is in need of his own emotional rescue. Recently separated from his longtime wife, Ann (the always fine Jane Kaczmarek), Bill can't quite handle her new relationship with Kenny the car dealer. Nor is he enthused about daughter Sasha (Lindsay Sloane) dating a milquetoast psychology professor who's twice her age. She met him in his Advanced Freudian Dynamics class.

Bill otherwise administers to a collection of amusingly loopy out-patients. Jonathan (Jim Rash) carries a "Doesn't Know He's Gay" tag, and in fact made a gay reference to CNN's Anderson Cooper in the initial version of the pilot sent to TV critics. That riff since has been cut for time considerations, the producers keep saying with a straight face.

Inger (Suzy Nakamura) is a self-made millionaire whose "Total Lack of Social Skills" have rendered her dateless for six years. She's a hoot to watch opposite a speechless sad sack who at least looks game to jump in the sack with her.

Darlene (Darlene Hunt) has a too numerous to mention assortment of phobias. She has a crush on Dr. Bill, but is more or less dating trigger-tempered Michael (Jere Burns). In a lighter moment, he tells her, "My mother was a castrating, drunken freak show from hell."

Add semi-suicidal Dave (Charlie Finn), newest member of the group. Convinced that he can't ever get what he wants, he jumps out of an office window, only to land on his belittling boss's back.

Danson seems to be enjoying himself in this attempt to have a third longrunning comedy series. Cheers and Becker already have assured him of longterm financial security. But he's still got a lot to offer in Help Me Help You, a sometimes daring little comedy with an ensemble cast that looks like it'll keep him sharp.

Prospects: Help Me Help You gets a big boost on Tuesday night from the preceding 90-minute Dancing with the Stars. In future weeks, Danson's high-profile and overall likeability should make this a solid shot to last at least a full season.

Grade: B

Among NBC's Heroes is Odessa, TX cheerleader Claire Bennet.
Premiering: Monday night, Sept. 25, 8 central, 9 eastern
Starring: Adrian Pasdar, Milo Ventimiglia, Hayden Panettiere, Santiago Cabrera, Masi Oka, Sendhil Ramamurthy, Ali Larter, Tawny Cypress, Noah Gray-Cabey, Greg Grunberg
Created by: Tim Kring

By ED BARK
Enthralling and super-imaginative, NBC's Heroes is the surprise treat of the season.

Find it the way you did Lost, and then get ready for a Grade-A thrill ride with big, bonafide jolts at the end of its first three chapters. Monday night's opener, subtitled "Genesis," includes a printed prelude that seems prototypically overblown until the show starts delivering the goods. Here it is, submitted for your consideration in suitably bold type:

In recent days, a seemingly random group of individuals has emerged with what can only be described as 'special' abilities. Although unaware of it now, these individuals will not only save the world, but change it forever. This transformation from ordinary to extraordinary will not occur overnight. Every story has a beginning. Volume One of their epic tale begins here ...

But where to begin? Heroes is global in scope, taking viewers to TV renditions of Madras, India; Tokyo Japan; Las Vegas, New York City and Odessa, Texas in its curtain-raiser.

The Lone Star connection is high school cheerleader Claire Bennet (Hayden Panettiere), who can't fly but otherwise seems like Supergirl. Look, up in the sky, it's Claire jumping from on high to the hard ground below while her geeky, platonic boy pal video-cams it. Unhurt, Claire is soon running into a blazing inferno, where she rescues a man trapped in a train wreck. Sticking her hand in a garbage disposal seals the deal. The kid's got something special all right, but she'll remain in Odessa on her own for at least the initial three hours.

There's a helluva lot more going on, all of it digestible and coherent without being simple-dimple.

Heroes' breakout character could be Hiro Nakamura (Masi Oka), an excitable Japanese plugger with a Star Trek fixation. Can he really make time stop and then teleport himself to wherever he chooses? Hiro's relationship with best pal Ando (Omid Abtahi) gives Heroes its comic relief. But the pair's quest to save New York from a mega-disaster looks as though it's going to be the backbone of the series. In future episodes, their guidebook will be a comic book, 9th Wonders!, drawn by drug-battling artist Isaac Mendez (Santiago Cabrera). His ability to see the future threatens to drive him mad.

Other key characters include mild-mannered Peter Petrelli (Milo Ventimiglia), who thinks he can fly. But big brother Nathan (Adrian Pasdar), who's waging a cutthroat campaign for Congress, is determined to keep Peter under his finger.

On another front, dedicated Mohinder Suresh (Sendhil Ramamurthy) has journeyed from India to New York to investigate the mysterious disappearance of his mystical father. And in Vegas, single mother Niki Sanders (Ali Larter) is deeply in debt to thugs. Making ends meet by making erotic Internet videos, Niki's stunned to learn she's a savage beast when threatened.

The series' second episode introduces Los Angeles policeman Matt Parkman (Greg Grunberg), who thinks he can hear people think. Pretty soon he knows he can. That might help in apprehending a so-far unseen serial killer named Sylar.

Heroes creator Tim Kring (Crossing Jordan) has fashioned a whale of a tale so far. Lost had better look out, because this could be the season's new Internet chat sensation. The show should have a huge following among 18-to-34-year-olds, who likely will respond to both the attractive cast and the evolving mythology.

Old goats with a half-century or more under their belts (hi, happy to meet ya) should hitch a ride, too. In a season full of new serials, this is the one to invest in. The first three episodes are thoroughly captivating, with cliffhangers that might well leave you with mouth agape. So let's get the word-of-mouth going. Talk this one up, and then by all means tell me if I'm wrong.

Prospects: Very solid in a relatively soft Monday night slot whose principal tenants are the CBS' comedy combo of Two and a Half Men and The New Adventures of Old Christine. Big promotional pushes on NBC's Sunday night football games won't hurt either.

Grade: A

Premiering: Sunday night, Sept. 24, 9 central, 10 eastern
Starring: Sally Field, Rachel Griffiths, Calista Flockhart, Patricia Wettig, Ron Rifkin, Balthazar Getty, Dave Annable, Matthew Rhys, John Pyper-Ferguson, Sarah Jane Morris
Produced by: Jon Robin Baitz, Ken Olin, Marti Noxon

By ED BARK
A reworked pilot and a re-jiggered cast has stuck this vitally important ABC series with fall TV's annual "troubled" tag. Glad they went to the trouble, though.

Brothers & Sisters, supplanting transplanted Grey's Anatomy on Sunday nights, won't draw as large or as young an audience as ABC's hit med drama. But viewers with a little more tire tread on them should warm to this well-acted, multi-layered family drama. The high-voltage cast matches that of NBC's Studio 60 on the Sunset Strip, with Rachel Griffiths, Sally Field and Calista Flockhart (pictured left to right above) leading the way. Griffiths is especially good. She simply doesn't know any better. Ask fans of Six Feet Under.

thirtysomething alum Patricia Wettig is also aboard, having vacated the presidency on Fox's Prison Break. Her off-camera husband, Ken Olin, who directs the premiere episode, shares the same past ABC credit. Add the always-welcome Tom Skerritt, who guest-stars as the family patriarch.

Flockhart, who seems to have beefed up minimally since her latter day Ally McBeal daze, plays a conservative radio talk show host named Kitty. Her politics make her pretty much a square peg within the fractious Walker family. Momma Nora (Field) hasn't spoken to her in three years. And big sis Sarah (Griffiths) jokes that an overturn of Roe v. Wade would make a perfect 39th birthday present for Kitty hawk, who also supports the war in Iraq.

Prodigal Kitty is returning home anyway, in part to audition for a Crossfire-esque national TV gig that would require her to move from East to West. This allows us to meet her three brothers as well. Tommy (Balthazar Getty) is a "charming womanizer," Kevin (Matthew Rhys) a gay lawyer and baby bro Justin (Dave Annable) a traumatized Iraq war vet with a drug problem.

Mom blames Kitty in part for putting Justin in harm's way while Sarah twits her conservatism by asking, "Who made you this way?"

"I'm sick of the cracks about my family beliefs," Kitty tells the family at large. "You just keep on laughing and watch the rest of the country pass you by."

It'll be interesting to see how this plays out. Studio also has a prominent female conservative in its cast. As with Kitty, she's in the minority. But neither character is played strictly for laughs in the first episodes of these shows.

Brothers & Sisters otherwise is about a failing family business, we learn. Papa Bear (Skerritt) so far has kept this a big secret from his brood. Besides that, he has a "mystery woman" (Wettig) on the side. She apparently knows a lot that we don't yet.

Also in play is Kitty's would-be fiance, who wants them to stay in New York City.

"I just know what we have," he tells her. "And I don't want to lose that to this media thing."

Yeah, well, you're gonna be toast, buster. Brothers & Sisters needs Kitty back with the Walker family litter, never more so than after tragedy strikes. ABC almost desperately hopes you'll stay the course on a Sunday night that it dominated last season. But CBS has flexed its muscle by moving Without A Trace to the closing hour of prime-time Sunday. And NBC already is prospering with pro football.

That gives Brothers & Sisters a stiff test that it might well fail. Not for lack of trying, though. This is a textured, well-executed, serious-minded serial that builds nicely over Sunday's first hour. Whatever its fate, pencil Griffiths in for another Emmy nomination. She's still worth the price of your submission.

Prospects: Not overly bright in a newly tough time slot.

Grade: B-plus

Wisteria Lane change: back to basics
By ED BARK
Drenched by an uncommon but cathartic cloudburst, ABC's Desperate Housewives returns for a third season Sunday in hopes of recapturing what made it hot, hot, hot.

Mary Alice Young's (Brenda Strong) trademark opening narration acknowledges that something went more than a little wrong in the sudser's sophomore year.

"This is what rainy days are good for," she says. "They make everything clean again."

Ergo, DH fast-forwards six months into the future after a flashback that shows Orson Hodge (Kyle MacLachlan) to be an even nastier guy than imagined. He ended last season by running down star-crossed Mike Delfino (James Denton). Now we see that the persnickety S.O.B. also brutalized his previous wife, Alma (Valerie Mahaffey), who grew to love her parrot more than him.

The daringly different MacLachlan has one of the more offbeat resumes in the biz. Dune, Blue Velvet, Twin Peaks, Showgirls and Sex and the City preceded this latest career turn. Whatever the part, his fulsome hair just won't quit. Anchorman-thick and still preternaturally dark, it beckons a woman's fingers to get lost in it. Only this time his character is a veritable, no-muss Martha Stewart of a man, which of course drives duped new fiancee Bree Van De Kamp (Marcia Cross) wild with passion.

Their bedroom consummation finds Orson lowering his mug to where no man has gone before with prim, proper Bree. "Oh, I don't do that. I'm Republican," she protests. You might say that Orson is a bush man, too, even though he's a professed Libertarian. For both of them, all's well that ends well.

OK, here's what else has happened:

Gabrielle Solis (Eva Longoria) has split from husband Carlos (Richard Chavira) and is awaiting the birth of their child by surrogate mother Xiao-Mei (Gwendoline Yeo), who's getting ever more demanding.

Lynette Scavo (Felicity Huffman) is trying to cope with husband Tom's (Doug Savant) deference to nubile Nora Huntington (Kiersten Warren), with whom he had a love child several years back. An amusing if overreaching early segment finds a nightgowned Nora jockeying for position while Lynette strives to take an old-school portrait for the family's latest Christmas card.

Susan Mayer (Teri Hatcher) is still keeping a faithful bedside vigil beside comatose Mike. But she's starting to fall for an English bloke whose own wife has been in a coma for three years.

And Edie Britt is trying to sell the Youngs' vacated house. So much for her in DH's Sept. 24 return.

Comedic, quirky, better-focused and halfway dangerous again, the reconstituted DH seems worth another go after last year's meandering semi-disaster. Creator Marc Cherry has seen the light, and also the diminished ratings.

Still, poor James Denton had better get some relief soon. His Mike Delfino has to play the entire first episode motionless and on his back. This includes a lengthy scene in which Susan snuggles into his hospital bed and says she "sure could use someone to talk to who also talks back."

Denton never moves or blinks an eye and Hatcher actually pulls this scene off. But imagine how many takes it must have taken, and what a great blooper reel it'll make.

Anyway, they'll save that for next year's DVD set. In the pivotal here and now, DH at least is making a concerted effort to save itself.

Six strangers just might "Crash" into each other on Six Degrees
Premiering: Thursday night, Sept. 21 at 9 central, 10 eastern, ABC
Starring: Jay Hernandez, Bridget Moynahan, Erika Christensen, Dorian Missick, Campbell Scott, Hope Davis
Produced by: Stuart Zicherman, Raven Metzner, J.J. Abrams

By ED BARK
Do you believe in magic? Then you'd better live in New York City or you're out of luck.

That's the basic setup for ABC's Six Degrees, in which chance meetings run ridiculously rampant after an opening barrage of narrative exposition by a goodly attorney named Carlos (Jay Hernandez).

"The person sitting next to you could be your soulmate," he says from a subway car. And furthermore, "It's my favorite thing about New York. You've got some people on top of the world. Others are scraping rock-bottom. On any given day, you never know who you're gonna meet."

As if New York had a corner on this. Us poor shleppers in Dallas and elsewhere will just have to swim in the same, tired, algae-infested human gene pool, with nary a chance of meeting anyone new, exciting or dangerous. Six Degrees has a New York state of mind, all right. And it can be damned off-putting.

The series lists J.J. Abrams of Lost fame as executive producer, although he acknowledges in a letter to TV critics that it's really in the hands of colleagues Stuart Zicherman and Raven Metzner.

"Clearly, in the wrong hands, this idea could be too vague," Abrams writes of the series' interconnecting plot threads. "Or worse, pretentious. But Stu and Raven have such wonderful wit and optimism that while this show certainly will explore dark themes and make dangerous turns, it will always have, at its core, a romantic, sweet spirit."

All right, already. Six Degrees actually is more than a bit pretentious. And it will be nigh impossible to follow in future weeks if you're not on board from the start. Those who take a look likely will predict many of the show's twists and turns well before they happen. Will PR executive Whitney (Bridget Moynahan) get around to hiring a smug, insulting, cocaine-marred photographer named Steven (Campbell Scott)? Will she also be burned by her fiance, Roy (guest star Jonathan Cake), after he says his Internet dating days are over? The answers to these questions should be readily apparent to anyone old enough to read, let alone the product-purchasing urban sophisticates at which Six Degrees is aimed.

Also featured is troubled Mae (Erika Christensen), who's on the lam from something. Still, that doesn't stop her from impulsively riding topless through Manhattan, for which she's arrested for indecent exposure. This enables Carlos to meet her in the slammer and immediately fall in love. But then she vanishes after he gets her off --- on the arrest charge, that is.

Carlos later meets chauffeur Damian (Dorian Missick), whose mounting gambling debts make him vulnerable to the advances of his crooked older brother. And the recently widowed Laura (Hope Davis), whose TV reporter husband was killed in Iraq, immediately befriends Whitney at a nail salon. First, though, she makes a cheap crack at the expense of the Asian woman who's doing her toes. It's also Laura's view that "Britney Spears is the devil, and that Keith Richards is God." This piece of information is from her li'l daughter Eliza, who has a new nanny named Claire, who's actually the runaway Mae in newly dyed hair.

Yes, this is a lot to digest, and much of it is too hard to swallow. Even with a high-powered lead-in from Grey's Anatomy, it's tough to envision Six Degrees as a can't-miss hit. That is, unless every single, solitary New Yorker never misses a single episode. Dream on.

Prospects: A definite longshot that likely will be viewers' third choice opposite CBS' new Shark and NBC's ER

Grade: C

James Woods sometimes shares the screen. But not much.
Premieres: Thursday night, Sept. 21, 9 central, 10 eastern, CBS.
Starring: James Woods, Jeri Ryan (pictured above), Danielle Panabaker, Sophina Brown, Sarah Carter, Alexis Cruz, Sam Page, Romy Rosemont, Lynn Whitfield.
Created by: Ian Biederman

By ED BARK
CBS lately likes to get to the point with its titles. The network's four new series this season are Smith, Jericho, The Class (oops, they splurged) and now Shark.

That's an apt name for any James Woods outing, since no one masticates scenery with more relish -- or mustard. Not to say he's a hot dog.

We begin with Woods on camera and talking to a jury for the first 1 minute, 48 seconds of Thursday's premiere. His character, showy Sebastian Stark, is a defense attorney who's repping a wife-beater charged with attempted murder. He wins yet again, and then gloats before district attorney Jessica Devlin (Jeri Ryan).

"If it's any consolation," Stark chirps, "you look really hot in that suit."

But this latest courtroom triumph turns sour when the guy Stark got off immediately kills his wife. Even our big, brassy anti-hero is struck dumb, taking a month off to ruminate and reboot. Then he ends up being an equally hard-charging prosecutor in charge of a batch of younger assistant DAs who all "suck" in his view. Except for maybe one of them.

"Well, there you go, sucking up," he tells frisky Madeleine Poe (Sarah Carter) after she says it'll be a privilege to learn from the best. "An effective tactic. Sit."

The pilot is directed by Spike Lee, who probably can't see the forest for the Woods. The star of the show is constantly emoting, but with panache. He keeps berating his new set of underlings while also trying a little tenderness with 16-year-old daughter, Julie (Danielle Panabaker). She's trying to decide which of her divorced parents will act as custodian until she turns 18. Mom Claire (guest star Lindsay Frost) has been a loving, caring, doting parent and Dad has been anything but. Remember, though, Ms. Frost's character is only a guest star and Ms. Panabaker is a series regular. So there.

Shark seems to be one of the surer bets of the new season. Woods can be grating at times, but has a practice-perfect way of saying, "I'm great" (Pause, one-two) "And yet I am humble."

The young supporting cast seems capable and pretty enough. And Shark's father-daughter relationship takes some of the edge off a guy who's even gone to the trouble of building a mock courtroom in his home where practice makes perfect.

In future episodes, Woods perhaps will towel off on occasion and be in only about 75 percent of the scenes. But CBS hired him to be front and center, which of course suits him.

Prospects: Very promising opposite NBC's limping ER and ABC's marginally involving Six Degrees.

Grade: B

Skeet Ulrich is concerned, very concerned
By ED BARK
Some serials are rich and multi-grained. Lost and 24, for instance. Others are served cold and dry. You know where we're going here.

Wednesday night's two newbies, CBS' Jericho and NBC's Kidnapped, aren't likely to stand the test of time, or your time. Jericho (premiering Sept. 20 at 7 central, 8 eastern) is especially flat, unless you still believe the earth is flat. Preposterous premise: a giant mushroom cloud rises in the distance, prompting Jericho, Kansas mayor Johnston Green (Gerald McRaney) to observe, "One explosion does not make an attack."

Well, you sure wouldn't know that from the over-caffeinated sound track. What's the mayor been dabbling in -- mushroom caps?

Prodigal son Jake Green (Skeet Ulrich) gets a more visceral reaction from the mayor, who's also his ball-busting dad. Returning home after a long absence, he takes some prototypical guff from the old man while Mama Gail (Pamela Reed) tries to mediate. Jake, of course, is destined to be a hero after that harmless mushroom cloud plunges Jericho into what CBS press materials describe as "social, psychological and physical mayhem."

Coming to the aid of a busload of terrified kids, Jake performs a tracheotomy with a juice drink straw while also bonding with comely Heather Lisinski (Sprague Grayden). Back in town, the townies are starting to go nuts, wondering if they might be all alone in this great big beanbag of a world. The mayor eventually gets around to giving a hoaky, buck-'em-up speech that General George S. Patton would throw back in the pond. His kicker: "And folks, don't you break my heart again."

Next week: The fallout shelter's in serious disrepair as radiation from the mysterious nuclear blast in Denver makes its way toward Jericho. What will they do? What will they do? Hey, maybe there's a previously undiscovered hatch somewhere.

Prospects: CBS yearns for a long-running leadoff hitter on Wednesday nights, where the network's ratings problems have endured for more than a quarter-century. But few are likely to have a blast with this one.

Grade: D

NBC has a better chance with Kidnapped, which plays a bit better than Fox's similarly themed Vanished. Premiering Sept. 20 at 9 central, 10 eastern, this string-along stars Timothy Hutton as super-rich New Yorker Conrad Cain. Able to summon life's big and little pleasures with a finger-snap, he's jolted by the sudden severe inconvenience of his 15-year-old son's disappearance. Cain and his creature-comforted wife Ellie (Dana Delany) quickly turn to a cryptic, lone wolf investigator named Knapp (Jeremy Sisto), who looks drained and in need of a nap after we see him rescuing a kidnapped girl.

"All I care about is retrieval," he says. "Everything else is abstractual."

Sisto, who's played both Jesus on CBS and unhinged Billy Chenowith on Six Feet Under, may not have the stature to play a man of action. Hutton looks a bit washed-out, too. But the kidnapped kid, 15-year-old Leopold Cain (Will Denton), is appealing. And one can never go wrong watching Delroy Lindo play anything. This time he's FBI agent Latimer King, who perhaps in time will take over this series. By then, though, it might be too late. Kidnapped is watchable, but not must-see TV. Catching it on a weekly basis looks like too much trouble.

Prospects: It has no shot at outdrawing CBS' CSI: Crime Scene Investigation, but might have a ghost of a chance opposite ABC's new The Nine, another serial opus that won't premiere until Oct. 4.

Grade: C-plus

Ray Liotta gets his game face on in CBS' Smith. CBS photo
Premiering:Tuesday night, Sept. 19 at 9 central, 10 eastern.
Starring:Ray Liotta, Virginia Madsen, Simon Baker, Amy Smart, Jonny Lee Miller, Franky G, Chris Bauer, Shohreh Aghdashloo.
Produced by: John Wells, Christopher Chulack, Brooke Kennedy

By ED BARK
Hooked by crooks? CBS hopes you'll be positively arrested when the less than dynamically titled Smith gets rolling.

Problem is, it never really does. Likeability isn't what it used to be on prime-time TV. Still, you still have to feel emotionally invested. And it's hard to muster much empathy, sympathy or anything else for this drama's gang of cold-blooded heisters. OK, contempt maybe.
Feature film tough guy Ray Liotta stars in his first TV series as career crook Bobby Stevens, whose day job is selling paper cups for a boss who's tired of watching him stare into space. Liotta clearly has had a little work done. Watching him smile or laugh is testament to that. Something's holding him back a bit, and it's not his overall stoic disposition.

Stevens and his wife, Hope (Virginia Madsen), parents of two grade-schoolers, live comfortably but uncomfortably in a picturesque suburb. She's got a problematic past, both have a problematic present. Hope seems to know that hubby's not really going on boring business trips, even though he does an Ozzie Nelson by telling her, "I'll be home in time for dinner tomorrow night."

In the meantime, Stevens and his gang of five are pulling off a really big robbery at a Pittsburgh art museum. The first episode begins with a taste of it before rewinding to "60 Minutes Earlier" (cheap plug of a CBS show) and then for good measure, "Three Weeks Earlier."

This allows us to meet all the gang members and see them for what they are. Jeff (Simon Baker) whistles while he murders two thuggish surfers who kick him off their beach. Annie (Amy Smart) is a "master of disguise," including Vegas chorus girl for starters. Tom (Jonny Lee Miller) is fresh out of jail after being convicted of a previous caper. It makes one makes one wonder how he released so fast. Were they robbing a lemonade stand or something while working up to the big time? Oh yeah, Joe (Franky G) is in charge of transportation.

Heist happens, eventually. CBS is dragging out Tuesday's premiere with "limited commercial interruptions" from Warner Bros. Pictures, sole sponsor of a show produced by Warner Bros. Television. Haven't they heard that synergy is so yesterday?

Other problems. Day turns to night in magically split-second fashion on Smith. And a museum guard trying to stop the theft is Swiss-cheesed to death, which makes it tough to have a rooting interest in any of these guys. Liotta's character responds by staring fixedly, perhaps communicating some sort of inner angst or turmoil. Or maybe he's really wondering how he plunged from Goodfellas to this.

Smith also has a pat scene between Stevens and his boss, "Charlie" (Shohrehh Aghdashloo), who's no angel.

"So what happened in Pittsburgh?" she asks.

"Stuff," Stevens elaborates.

"You ready for another job?"

"Three or four more, Charlie, and I'm out. I mean it, That's it."

He's probably got that half-right. Three or four more episodes might be all it takes for CBS to pull the plug.

Prospects: Decidedly dim opposite NBC's Law & Order: SVU and ABC's Boston Legal

Grade: C-minus

Premiering: Monday, Sept. 18 at 9 p.m. central, 10 p.m. eastern, NBC
Starring: Matthew Perry, Bradley Whitford, Amanda Peet, D.L. Hughley, Steven Weber, Sarah Paulson, Timothy Busfield
Created by: Aaron Sorkin

By ED BARK
Inside baseball can be tricky, although us critic types always love it when the brush-back pitches are aimed at the TV industry.

Aaron Sorkin's fireballing Studio 60 on the Sunset Strip instead beans latenight television and sends it sprawling. The creator of The West Wing is back in bloom with the new season's best reason to jump up and shout, "I'm happy as hell, and I'm not gonna miss a minute of this!"

Monday's premiere begins with a full-blown screed from burned-out producer Wes Mandell (guest star Judd Hirsch), who's inflamed that a "Crazy Christians" sketch has been shot down at the last minute by an NBS network censor. It's a tirade worthy of a rooftop shout, even if it is a bit over-the-top. Butting into a live opening sketch, Mandell pounds away at real-life NBC meal-tickets such as Donald Trump and Fear Factor. And he's clearly referencing Fox News Channel when he shouts, "Guys are getting killed in a war that has theme music and a logo!"

Meanwhile, Mandell's own show, also titled Studio 60 on the Sunset Strip "has gotten lobotomized by a candy-assed broadcast network!" Or to put it even more succinctly, NBS has been "scared gutless" by the FCC and "every religious cult that gets positively horny at the mention of a boycott."

So yes, Wes Mandell gets fired. And new NBS entertainment president Jordan McDeere (Amanda Peet) immediately is determined to hire Studio 60's previously banished show-runners, writer Matt Albie (Matthew Perry) and director Danny Tripp (Bradley Whitford).



The cast of Studio 60 is ready to rock and sock latenight television. NBC photo

Sorkin, whose own right-hand man is director Thomas Schlamme, has written a bravura opening act replete with his usual panoramic camera movements and crackle-pop dialogue. NBC, carrier of Studio 60 professes to be unafraid, although perhaps it should be. In a second episode sent for preview, an opening satirical musical number plays better than most of last season's startups on the network's Saturday Night Live. And unfavorable comparisons might become epidemic what with all the ongoing cost-cutting at SNL.

Studio 60 also stars D. L. Hughley as a sketch player destined to become the fake news anchor, and Sarah Paulson cutting against the grain as born-again Christian Harriet Hayes, whose star power has been carrying the show. Underrated Steven Weber is suitably semi-demonic as NBS president Jack Rudolph.

Hayes also is Matt Albie's ex-girlfriend. They busted up after, in his words, "You put on a dress and you sang for a bigot" by appearing on The 700 Club to promote a new CD.

The fireworks between Albie and Hayes so far are the weakest part of Studio 60. But they're more than offset by three-way dynamics of Albie, Tripp and McDeere. Monday's signature exchange is between the latter two. Says he: "I have no reason to trust you and every reason not to."

"Why?" she wonders.

"You work in television."

Here's a television series that works on many levels, even if NBC's on-air promotions so far are doing it a disservice. They should be accenting the Paddy Chayefsky-ian Network aspects of the series. Instead they're focused on a broad, Matt Perry-driven comedic scene from next week's episode. It's similar to the misleading campaign for the dark feature film North Dallas Forty, which was promoted as a comedy. Wise up, NBC. Accept Studio for what it is, and celebrate it.

Epilogue: The premiere episode finds Albie commenting on the abysmal quality of NBS by denigrating an old NBC hood ornament, My Mother the Car. Point of reference. Former esteemed NBC chairman Grant Tinker, who presided over the network's classy renaissance in the early-to-mid- 1980s, helped to develop the shortlived 1965 series about a talking 1928 Porter. During an interview in Dallas with Uncle Barky, he defended the series with a straight face, saying it had been unfairly lampooned as a low-point in TV comedy. Hmm, in deference to Tinker, maybe Studio 60 should have twitted NBC's Supertrain or The Misadventures of Sheriff Lobo instead. There are so many options.

Prospects: Time slot competitor CSI: Miami on CBS is strong but hardly invincible. And Studio 60 should have no trouble at all dusting off ABC's weak-kneed What About Brian, which likely will be a goner before November.

Grade: A

Oprah Winfrey and Rachael Ray set the table for Ms. Sunshine's new show.

By ED BARK
Maybe Rachael Ray will anchor a network newscast someday.

For now she's way too busy cooking, traveling and "Rachael-magizing" what likely will be daytime's hottest new syndicated show. A decade from now, that might be all the journalistic training one needs.In fact, she could be over-qualified.

"If you like what you're talking about, TV is an exciting job choice," Ray, 38, says in a teleconference touting Rachael Ray, which premieres Monday (at 9 a.m. on KTVT-TV/Channel 11 in Dallas-Fort Worth).

Her latest small-screen escapade is bankrolled by super-potent King World Productions, which already presides over The Oprah Winfrey Show, Wheel of Fortune, Dr. Phil, Jeopardy! and Inside Edition. Ray will welcome ABC newswoman Diane Sawyer to her premiere show, with Winfrey dropping in on Tuesday.

"They're both very good eaters," says Ray, who first came to prominence on the Food Net work as host of $40 a Day and 30-Minute Meals. Her ultra-upbeat personality and easily summoned giggle went down like cotton candy at a State Fair.

On her new venture, there'll be "no crying," she vows. "I don't want sad tears on our show because we're just not very serious people."

She'll be taping 185 ediitions of Rachael Ray, while still using Food Network as a side dish for 100 combined new episodes of 30-Minute Meals and Tasty Travels.

"I'm not gonna give up on Food Network until Food Network kicks me out the door," Ray says. "We're all workaholics in this country. I was always a workaholic. I was raised by workaholics."

Ring-wise executive producer Jane Annino, who produced Entertainment Tonight's weekend editions, says Rachael Ray must adapt to its star, not vice-veresa.

"We're not trying to fit Rachael into a certain hole," she says. "Once she's got an interest in something, there's no stopping her."

Each show will end with a "What's for dinner tonight?" segment. In early outings, she'll also welcome a gaggle of "hot seniors," and skydive with an everyday guest hoping to conquer her fear of heights.

Ray has a lingering phobia, too.

"I'm ridiculously afraid of massages," she says. "Nothing creeps me out more than thinking of a stranger kneading me like pizza dough. It deeply, deeply, deeply frightens me."

Ah, there's the rub.

Premiering: Monday, Sept. 18 at 7 p.m. central, 8 p.m. eastern, CBS
Starring: Jason Ritter, Lizzy Caplan, Heather Goldenhersh, Jon Bernthal, Jesse Tyler Ferguson, Lucy Punch, Sean Maguire, Andrea Anders, David Keith, Sam Harris, Julie Halston
Created by: David Crane, Jeffrey Klarik

By ED BARK
It's another year of downsizing at the stripped down CBS comedy factory, where a lone new fall model joins Monday's three incumbents. One night, four sitcoms, and that's it. Laughing matters not on the rest of CBS' new fall schedule.

The Class, starring the late John Ritter's son, Jason Ritter, flunks any plausibility tests, but gets an overall passing grade. In short, it's passable on a network that still pledges old-school allegiance to juiced-up laugh tracks and over-spiked punch lines. That means the cast must rise and shine. And overall, this is a pretty likable one.


Here's the less than multi-ethnic cast of 'The Class' Photo: CBS

Ritter plays earnest Ethan Haas, who decides to reunite his third grade class for a 20th anniversary party. He's doing this as a surprise gift to his fiancee, whom he first met in that same elementary setting. Which of course means she'll be dumping him, leaving Jason at the mercy of saucy ex-classmate Kat Warbler (Lizzy Caplan).

Kat has a loopy twin sister, Lina (Heather Goldenhersh), who'd be played by Jennifer Tilly were she 10 or so years younger. Her latter day Sir Galahad is sad sack Richie Velch (Jesse Tyler Ferguson), who's all set to OD on pills until succumbing to Ethan's party invite. Suicide may be painless, but should it be played for laughs? No, it shouldn't. But among the living, Richie at times is a bonafide scene-stealer.

There's also gay Kyle Lendo (Sean Maguire), who ditched once chubby Holly Ellenbogen (Lucy Punch) at the high school prom. Now she's married to flamboyantly prissy Perry Pearl (Sam Harris), who's named one of their children Oprah. Meanwhile, Kyle is in the arms of well-equipped Hispanic Aaron (Cristian de la Fuente). He doesn't rate a surname because he's billed as only a recurring character.

Your scorecard won't be complete without muscled construction worker Duncan Carmello (Jon Bernthal). Fancy him living with his acidic mom, Tina (Julie Halston), while his ex-high school flame, Nicole Allen (Joey refugee Andre Anders), is wilting her way through a marriage to dense former football star Yonk Allen (David Keith).

What's missing from this crowded picture? Namely, a black character. All of these people once shared a 1986 classroom at a public Philadelphia school. Yet there are only two black kids shown in their 29-member school picture, and they apparently didn't get the party invitations. Sometimes we make too much of racial politics. But really, how real is this? Maybe one of the show's 11 listed regular characters should simply be called Lily White.

Prospects: The Class has a tough assignment as Monday's leadoff hitter opposite Fox's hot Prison Break and NBC's mindless but mesmerizing Deal Or No Deal. It definitely won't be a breakout hit, but has a 50-50 shot to make it past midseason.

Grade: B-minus