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This just in: A night in the lives of D-FW's late night local newscasts (Tues., Nov. 8)

CBS11 made time for this on Tuesday's 10 p.m. news. Photos: Ed Bark

Care to come away with the throbbing headache you'd have after experiencing the above? Try watching all four of Tuesday's late night D-FW newscasts in their entirety.

Their same-old, same-old nature -- and lack of even one truly standout story -- is pretty depressing as well.

This was a night when Fox4, NBC5 and CBS11 all topped their late-nighters with news of a McKinney chiropractor being charged with sexually assaulting some of his child patients. And WFAA8 hardly downplayed the story, slotting it fourth within the first six minutes of its newscast.

Fox4's 9 p.m. man on the scene, reporter James Rose, said that calls to Dr. David Allen Russell's office "were not returned." CBS11's Jack Fink told viewers that "we went by Russell's house (which was shown on camera), but no one answered the door." The station included a loud door knock for emphasis.

NBC5's Ellen Goldberg did manage to reach the accused on the phone, during which he said (via print in a station graphic) that all of the allegations were "completely false and baseless." And on WFAA8, reporter Monika Diaz said that Russell likewise denied all charges after the station reached him.

All four stations used sound bites from the same McKinney woman, Maggie Kennedy, whose children have been treated by Dr. Russell. She stood by him and said that her kids always felt safe in his care, whether at the clinic or during the stretching exercises he taught at a next-door dance studio.

Coincidentally or not, Fox4, NBC5, WFAA8 and CBS11 also reported on Republican presidential candidate Herman Cain's same-day news conference, in which he again unequivocally denied mounting charges that he had sexually harassed or assaulted any women. The McKinney chiropractor story played right into that "theme" on a day that Penn State coach Joe Paterno also was reported to be on his way out after one of his former assistant coaches had been arrested on charges of sexually molesting young boys.

Not that this is a fool-proof barometer. But the night's overall top story on local TV stations was an easily missed "Regional Roundup" brief on page 2 of The Dallas Morning News' Wednesday Metro section.

All four stations also had stories on the city's warning that it will evict "Occupy Dallas" protestors camped behind City Hall unless they stop violating previously agreed-upon guidelines. Fox4, NBC5, WFAA8 and CBS11 likewise all found room to report on Wednesday's 30-second national Emergency Alert System test, which at 1 p.m. (Dallas time) would be disrupting programming on each and every TV station in this great land of ours.

With more time to fill on its hour-long newscast, Fox4 got a bit carried away.

"So do officials think that people might freak out, we may have a 'War of the Worlds' situation?" co-anchor Steve Eagar asked reporter Shaun Rabb. Yes, some viewers might indeed call 911, Rabb said during his extended assertion that all is well.

Fox4 likewise went kind of cuckoo over video of an SUV flipping over a number of times after its driver got too close to tornado activity in Tipton, Oklahoma. The station showed the footage not once, not twice, but five times.

"Oh my God," said Eagar.

"I know," said deskmate Heather Hays.

Weathercaster Dan Henry then chimed in, telling the anchors that "I'm all for getting close for the purpose of science, but I think some of these guys are taking thrill-seeking just a little bit too much." He probably meant to say "too far." But Fox4 flogged the video anyway -- over and over and over and over and over.

Fox4's Brandon Todd, one of the station's best street reporters, earlier tried hard with a story on an asteroid the size of an aircraft carrier that came closer to the Earth than the moon is. That's still not very close at all. But astronomy buff Don Garland kinda sorta played along by telling Todd, "I would pretty much call this almost a near miss." How's that for being emphatic?

CBS11's Jason Allen was Tuesday's head chair-leader.

WFAA8 and CBS11 both reported on plans to build a giant-sized Nebraska Furniture Mart on undeveloped land in The Colony.

On WFAA8, Steve Stoler appeared au naturel without props. But on CBS11, relative newcomer Jason Allen (he joined the station last spring from an Orlando, FL station) went a little nutty by showcasing an office swivel chair outdoors after attending a meeting of The Colony's city officials.

The merchandise at Nebraska Furniture Mart, scheduled to open in 2015, will be "a lot nicer than this, of course," Allen said. You just can't make this stuff up.

CBS11 later wasted viewers' time with Lisa Pineiro's dispatch on how to pay less for beauty products. Her expert, Dr. Lynley McAnalley, "helps some of the most beautiful women in Dallas keep their youthful glow," Pineiro trilled. Botox injections also help, the good doctor advised.

Charitably put, Pineiro (also CBS11's early morning co-anchor) looks as though she's risking an onslaught of artificially puffed Lisa Rinna lips, which now embarrass the actress/host. Maybe it was just the camera angle or lighting, but let's be careful out there.

The station also chose to fill a little time with a collection of over-the-top "Best Sick Day Excuses" from CareerBuilder.com. Co-anchor Karen Borta howled at one of them, equally the occasional sonic laughs of WFAA8 counterpart Gloria Campos. But isn't there a better way to run a newscast?

Meanwhile, NBC5 presented part two of its "5 Nights That Could Save Your Life" series. Reporter Scott Gordon, during a treatise on how to avoid drowning in your car, dutifully drove a vehicle live to within inches of the Lake Arlington shore line.

Wednesday night will feature consumer/investigative reporter Kimberly King in a burning building, the station says. Former anchor Mike Snyder did that once in one of the most ridiculously riotous segments ever to appear on a D-FW newscast. Still awaiting its arrival on youtube. Say a little prayer.

WFAA8 led its Tuesday 10 p.m. edition with reporter Rebecca Lopez's "exclusive" followup on Dallas police officers who pulled a suspected thief out of his burning car after he crashed it into a home that also went up in flames. All four stations had video from the scene Monday, but Lopez added police dash cam footage for her Tuesday report.

"The officers shy away from being called hee-roes," Lopez said. "They say it's just part of the job."

Not to discount their actions, but when will reporters and anchors stop saying "hee-roes?" It's pronounced "here-oes," although you'd never know it from watching a D-FW newscast.

WFAA8 ended Tuesday's newscast with anchor Campos' note that Nancy Grace is the latest to be booted off ABC's Dancing with the Stars. She said this with a smile, but co-anchor John McCaa then almost grimaced while signing off.

Perhaps he still had indigestion from the station's lengthy Monday night dispatch on the DWTS diet, reported by Shelly Slater from L.A. It would be hard to fault him for that.