From Dan to Katie: No more cornpone
11/06/06 12:48 PM
By ED BARK
Katie Couric will make more history Tuesday by becoming the first woman to solo anchor prime-time election coverage. She'll have ample help on CBS from old hand Bob Schieffer.
Meanwhile, the deposed Dan Rather, is set to sit out his first election night since the Paleolithic period, although he will appear with fake news anchor Jon Stewart in the first half of Comedy Central's one-hour Indecision 2006 special (10 central, 11 eastern). Rather otherwise is waiting until Nov. 14 to debut the weekly Dan Rather Reports on Mark Cuban's HDNet.
Cuban hasn't returned an email inquiry as to why he didn't put Rather back in the saddle on election night instead. All he'd really need is a desk and a computer hookup. Dan then could take it from there with a fresh crop of all-purpose "Dan-isms," some of which he might be able to aim at Stewart. Greasing the skiddle, unclebarky.com has thrown together this Top 10 list of personal favorites from election nights past:
10. "His lead is as thin as turnip soup."
9. "We need Billy Crystal to Analyze This."
8. "This presidential race is still hotter than a Laredo parking lot."
7. "This situation in Ohio would give aspirin a headache."
6. "This race is as tight as the rusted lug nuts on a '55 Ford."
5. "The election is closer than Lassie and Timmy."
4. "This race is shakier than cafeteria Jell-O."
3. "If a frog had sidepockets, he'd carry a handgun."
2. "When the going gets weird, anchormen punt."
1. "Frankly, we don't know whether to wind the watch or to bark at the moon."