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Conan the Tweeter

Conan O'Brien in official Twitter page photo and back in the day.

Coming soon to a theater near us -- sorry, the May 13th Dallas show is sold out -- defrocked Tonight Show host Conan O'Brien is still prepping for the April 12th start of his multi-city comedy tour.

He's also been tweeting, an activity he mocked during his occasional Tonight "Twitter Tracker" segments.

O'Brien started this process at 3:54 p.m. on Feb. 24th by tweeting, "Today I interviewed a squirrel in my backyard and then threw to commercial. Somebody help me."

Since then, a good number of his tweets have bordered on high-larious (to me at least). So as a public service to Coco's fans, here's a chronological compilation of the best of his tweets, including pictures when necessary. I think he's mastered the form, with 763,124 followers at this very moment in time.

Feb. 25th -- This morning I watched Remington Steele while eating Sugar Smacks out of a salad bowl. I was naked.

Feb. 26th -- Today I connected all the freckles on my arm with a Sharpie. It spells out RIKSHAZ9LIRK. Clearly I am the chosen one.

Feb. 27th -- Good news! I can now spend quality time with my vintage '92 Ford Taurus. Bad news -- I left yogurt in the trunk.

March 5th -- I've decided to follow someone at random. She likes peanut butter and gummy dinosaurs. Sarah Killen, your life is about to change.

March 7th -- Hey gang! Look for me at the Oscars tonight. I'll be in the parking lot, wearing my prom tux and listening on the radio.

March 9th -- I no longer have health care. Could someone show this to a dermatologist and get back to me?

March 10th -- OMG! My pal Sarah got bumped from Larry King for something called "Breaking News." Has the whole world gone insane?!

March 11th -- Hey Internet : I'm headed to your town on a half-assed comedy & music tour. Go to http://TeamCoco.com for tix. I repeat: It's half-assed.

March 13th -- Today I began my special tour diet: waffle batter, no veggies, and massive amounts of German blood sausage.

March 15th -- I just punched what I thought was a paparazzi with a long lens. It was an old man with a wheat bread sub. Sorry.

March 16th -- Hey sports fans, here's my NCAA pick: bet it all on the Savannah College of Art & Design. Go Fighting Acrylics!

March 17th -- Behold! My traditional St. Patrick's Day feast: 7 Guinness, frozen asparagus soup, and 2 pieces of spearmint gum.

March 23rd -- I'm worried health care has pushed my Tour out of the headlines. I'm also worried my anti-delusion pills are wearing off. Need more pills.

March 24th -- This is a chord I'll play on my new tour. It's a chord only I can make. It blew Slash's mind.

March 25th -- This is down the street from where we're rehearsing. I guess nothing sells liquor like a maniacal circus clown.

March 26th -- Found out today that you're supposed to urinate on a jellyfish sting, NOT a jellyroll stain. Sorry, fat stranger.

March 27th -- sklfjslj;v999{aeaeOc (my dog's first tweet)

March 31st -- I'm confused by the new census form. There's no box for "Sickly White."